⇒ still no running!

(break: w15d4-->days on break: 109)

no running today, the cold weather and pain in my calf just aren't adding up. I did do cycling for a bit though (totalled 18km in about 30'). Didn't really keep track of any gym or swim progress today, I felt really sluggish from all the meat i consumed on the weekend (chicken, bacon, pork, sausages, kebabs, steak, what-not).

On the job front, I know I'm ready. I want it. I want it now and I want it bad. I guess after dicking around for 5 years, I finally pulled my head out of my ass. It's my belief that you're never too late, just better off early. So I'll try to catch up but at the same time I'll try not to over-exert myself.

On the subject of my sibling, the deception has been uncovered. I may not have studied psych but I don't need to have studied it to know the why of it all. This person thinks they're being so slick yet they make themselves seem incredibly stupid (despite their numerous academic accolades) when they think they have cleanly deceived us. Well, my parents may be fooled but the extended family knows. What treachery is this? To have such dishonor, were this another place, another era, I might be prompted to reclaim our honor. Such an insult. Does my extended family smile at us because they genuinely like us or because they are laughing in our faces at our supposed ignorance? Why would you entrust distant family who dishonored our father for years? Why? Why have you done this? As a result of your treachery and dishonor, I have put certain plans in motion which will in time sever all ties with you. I did not do this to you, you did this to us. In time, you and I will be nothing, not family, not even strangers, and should our paths cross, I would smite you if you were to even consider trying to explain your insolent self. Why and how could you have done this? Loneliness is no excuse, I have been alone for years, yet I have not flouted dishonor in the faces of my strongest allies. I may never forgive or forget this. And to think of all the time and effort I wasted defending your honor, your name and even your image all these years. You may never appear the same in my eyes again. Who are you? I don't know you. And I knew long ago, if we weren't related, I wouldn't even look at a person like you. Am I being clear enough? You did this. You destroyed yourself. We tried and tried to tell you and intervene but your stuborness, naivety and weak will has destroyed you. Too easily influenced by those who can profit from your downfall, you have brought this on yourself. I will no longer be standing in your corner, once our business has concluded, I may never contact you of my own volition. Perhaps then you may know a fraction of the pain your arrogance has caused. Currently, I believe myself to be the only one who knows, and since these are happier times, I will not speak out just yet. You may learn your place just yet.

But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue.

♥♣♦♠