⇒ reddit joke thread

link: http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/gp4p4/what_is_the_funniest_joke_you_know_winners_get/

some highlights:
[–]tehPwnerer46 708 points 5 days ago
How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
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[–]ignignokt-_- 200 points 5 days ago
I heard it as:
How many ADD sufferers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go ride bikes?
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[–]tehPwnerer46 465 points 5 days ago
How many Vietnam War vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
YOU WEREN'T FUCKING THERE, MAN!!!!
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[–]ggggbabybabybaby 256 points 5 days ago
Each time the joke threads appear, I make it a point to post these two:
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick question, feminists can't change anything.
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[–]ninjajoe 200 points 5 days ago
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's an obscure number, you probably haven't heard of it.
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[–]Tusularah 90 points 5 days ago
I heard it as, "They don't: They leave it off and pretend they're still underground."
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[–]cesarjulius 35 points 5 days ago
I heard it as a statement about modern man's disassociation with nature, while referencing early Gary Shandling (~1985). I'm pretty sure that's what the artist intended, but they also built in a certain amount of ambiguity, so I guess your interpretation is not totally wrong.
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[–]Tusularah 23 points 5 days ago
Please, associating that man with the piece in question is an amatuerish stretch. And while we're on the subject of Shandling, I found his work in "Welcome Back, Kotter" to be both gauche and highly derivative. No, the joke is obviously meant to explore the ease with which men to inflict evil upon 'the other', and obvious reference to the work of Albert Camus and Don Rickeles.

[–]Dafman 280 points 5 days ago
The barman says, "We don't serve time travellers in here."
A time traveller walks into a bar

[–]Konceptz 595 points 5 days ago
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre
[–]Presii [S] 326 points 5 days ago
Why does Snoop dogg carry an umbrella?
fo drizzle.
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[–]Demaroth 217 points 5 days ago
Why does Snoop Dogg carry a frying pan?
Fo sizzle.
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[–]InternetiquetteCop 135 points 5 days ago
Why does Snoop Dogg use a serrated knife?
Fo' gristle.

[–]kowabungo 291 points 5 days ago
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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[–]wzpgsr 237 points 5 days ago
Where do generals keep their armies?
In their sleevies.


Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave say's, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw ... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the hell is on the balcony with Dave?"

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