⇒ no hesitation

I can certainly say that without hesitation, as of this exact point in time, this year has been THE most dissappointing and contrived EVER.

Disappointing not only my frequent struggles to do well and have it all blow up in my face, but the extreme lack of motivation and despair too.

Furthermore, I seem to be butting heads with EVERYONE. I used to think that these situations were just life's way of testing me to see if I was worthy of carrying on. But I think that this far along I should have proven myself by now.

Today I handed up the infodemo. 15 minutes late. At the time it seemed ok--and I really didn't want to have to battle with Virshit Virtools anymore. So I sort of just gave up. If I had an additional 24 hours, 12 hours, 6 hours 3 hours or even an hour, I could have fixed all those problems (music chopped off, non looping demo, missing scenes, etc.) I lost (?) alot of time fixing the damn perl script for google video.

Truly disappointing. I worked so hard the whole semester only to fall apart in the final 24 hours. Why am I doing this to myself? Why is this happening to me? Why? WHY?!?

On top of that, I started the day by almost BREATHING in my breakfast. My body was only semi-conscious and it forgot that it can't swallow solid foods which haven't been chewed up. I sat there at the labpc choking for a good 5 minutes.

Thinking back to photography submission last wednesday (w13d3) I'm disgusted with myself that I rushed the last 30 minutes (again, I fall apart in the last section of the rat race. Unbelievable!) From that night until recently, I couldn't take my mind off how sloppy I had been.

Well, I still have Tuesday and Friday to show myself if I'm worth a damn.

C'est la vie.

♥♣♦♠